the way we primpthe way we primp enroute to the gas station apply lipstick in the rearview mirror for that one second that a stranger sees us one face among hundreds on any given day but our empty impressions mean so much. the way we can be walking down the street through crowds of unintentional eye contact, unmeaningful first opinions so we stand a little straighter, sway our hips and hope we have impressed. i feel empty when i find a stranger watching me. i shine my eyes and pout my lips and cross my legs and wonder if he'd be looking if he knew that sometimes when i'm alone i sing atthe way we primp
fat girlsso learn the subtle art of self-abuse and practiced modesty, standing in front of the mirror saying who, me? you must be joking. teaching ourselves to never get our hopes up,fat girls
never let ourselves believe.
and when she walks in, tall and skinny like i always knew i was supposed to be i turn to rehearsed laughter turn butch in the face of society's ideals stone face never betraying my heart, aching so hard i can't use my hands and he lectures, eyes never leaving her flat stomach, collarbone poking out. and there are places on our bodies only we ever
apply lipstick like a manwe are downstairs, banished from the hustle of making food to clean up remnants. flirting comes naturally, as we laugh at his hands over mine, steadying and guiding. there are no tingles,apply lipstick like a man
no sudden rush. just comfort in this familiar pattern unhurried and content to ever run its course without climax.
so i miss your female presence quiet and comfortable, so different from the cawing and bangles they feel the need to drape themselves in, day after day. lipstick is found in the drawer and everyone turns to her, never glancing my way, never once acc
circular motionso i battle between self-acceptance and self-improvement day after day learning that there is no middle ground between fat and thin, beautiful and ugly. harsh words still ringing in my ears, i am reassured that i am beautiful, because of and regardless of my size. those people don't know what's real, she says, pressing me against her large breasts and round stomach. we scare them because they're not supposed to like us. so i leave confident and sexy in my newly affirmed body, sway my full hips and decide to buy a skirt to celebrate that swish. sizecircular motion
Hope you've been well. Say hey.
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Before an important decision someone clutches your hand--a glimpse of gold in the iron-gray, the proof of all you have never dared to believe.
(Dag Hammarskjold)
Hope you're having a great one!
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"only when the last tree has died, and the last river been poisoned, and the last fish been caught will we realize that we can't eat money." based on a Cree saying
i have a weird feeling that i know you...maybe not...
noho...northampton MA? o_O
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